No title …

It’s been a while since I posted as I’ve been suffering with real bad health. Just before this I had entered into my first serious relationship after 14 years of being alone. There are times when relationships are good & there are times when they are not so good. I’ve just discovered today that my partner feels it’s not so good. So we had the talk of where it all goes now. He decided that time out is a good thing so he has gone off to his folks then to a football match. So here I am numb, thinking of what I could do to fill these hours. Now that’s where my illness doesn’t help you see I suffer with chronic fatigue don’t know how or why it started but got diagnosed last year. This hasn’t exactly helped in the relationship and this is actually stopping me from getting in my car to take myself off somewhere. I’m recovering from a flare up where I’ve been trapped in my own body & mind. It has stopped me from doing what I really enjoy & makes me make choices about my life using a ridged balance method. 
I have found that it affects my work & people around me. You see I look fine, you can’t see when I’m struggling & people just think it’s over tiredness but it’s more than that, every fibre in my body hurts then shuts down. My mind races or becomes a complete foggy mess. It affects me mentally & physically, it affects me as a whole person. Even now I can’t explain how it truly feels as it feels as though it might tangle my mind & body to such a extent I might just slide out of consciousness at anytime. I have read so much research with so little advice because it’s so unknown. I am discovering new ways of handling it, but I’m still in hope that one day it will go just as it just came on with no reason. As for my relationship maybe that will just end up the same it came & now it’s gone.